Letting Go of Expectation (Finally)

I recently went out West for vacation and had an absolute blast. I snowboarded, cross country skied and snowshoed. None of the aforementioned activities were performed with any skill whatsoever. I'd just finally let go. I finally came to reconcile that my all-time favorite vacations were in the snow. I came to a place of peace with he fact that zillions of my fondest memories were with buddies playing in the snow... and most of the time I completely sucked.

Oh, I know what you're thinking.. "Oh, it can't be that bad."

Yes it can. I am a *disaster* on skis. Still. I am an improvement - a vast improvement at that - compared to my drunken days. :) My friend said something along the lines of had she known I wasn't so skilled at cross country skiing we'd have done something different. I was shocked. In my mind I performed phenomenally well.

I believe there were two things at play. First, yes, I was better than in the past (though my friend clearly had no reference point). Second, I just didn't care. Well, that's partially true. I was trying to impress a girl cross country skiing. After the first fall it was abundantly clear that wasn't going to happen - so I went to acceptance and just enjoyed myself.

The two days I spent snowboarding were spectacular and thrilling and freeing. I truly didn't care if I sucked (and the girl wasn't there to boot). Freeing myself of the expectation that I had to perform at a certain level, that I had to learn x in y time, or be on black runs by the end of day two was probably the biggest gift I've given myself in a very long time. It made the difference between a day in the snow and an absolutely fantastic day snowboarding. At one point on the first day it was snowing and I just kind of chilled after I got into my bindings. As the snow fell on my sleeve, I could see each flake. They were totally different. They were huge and gorgeous. I didn't have my phone to take a picture and I was so bummed. But the memory of those beautiful flakes and the peace on the top of that mountain... I could not have asked for anything more.