Miss Vixen's Misadventures - Contemplating the Disposal

Most recently I found little Miss Vixen in the sink. She seems to be spending a heck of a lot of time there. In theory cats don't like water - but I think this is a bit of a myth any cat owner will tell you.
I still can't figure out the fascination with the sink but it lies in part with the disposal. She will gaze into it for what seems like forever. I know she's been in there because the black rubbery-do-hickie is all pulled out.
So I resist the temptation to turn on the water... I don't scoot her out... Unlike the other stuff she's getting into this is pretty harmless... And kinda cute.

Run Like The Wind... (8 minutes at a time...)

Yep. That's right folks. I'm running again. I'm up to eight whole minutes. Again.
Don't get me wrong, this is a victory like no other- I'm in almost no pain at all. I can bang out between 8 and 10 minute miles.
The best part of it all is running during Christmas time with the Black Dog. We go through neighborhoods and check out lights. It breaks up our normal routes and gives us both something new and fresh.
Last year the last run we had was a night run, looking at lights... It was painful, it was cold and long. This year they feel drag, it's crisp... And short... But I'll take it.

The Misadventures of Miss Vixen - Chapter 1

Who would have guessed?

A lazy Saturday afternoon. I'd already run, I did a bike ride. I was kicking back and watching some football. I was snuggled down on the couch and I hear a rustle. I look over and Vixen is climbing the grate over the fireplace.

 

After removing her from that (which was by no means easy), I settled back down onto the couch. I didn't hear from the little kitty...which isn't a good thing. I tell myself she's fast asleep. I tell myself she is in the bedroom watching birds and squirrels.

Lies. All lies. Again, a soft rustling... and she has managed to get herself *in* the fireplace.

 

WTF?

How did she get IN the fireplace? And how the hell do I get her OUT?

I removed the grate and dug the kitty out. She wasn't too dirty...

This wasn't her last tangle with the fireplace, so she is either fascinated or a slow learner. Her increase in weight, however, has changed things a bit. Most recently she toppled the fireplace grate and scared the shit out of herself and Bailey.

We haven't seen the last of this little ball of puff... stay tuned... she's a hand full.

Everything Happens for a Reason

Two weeks before Reese died, this little thing showed up under my car...

She had some worms... but otherwise she is completely fine. Bailey loves her. Well. Sometimes. They play together and she knaws on Baiely's tail. Sometimes her sharp litttle teeth bite too hard and Bailey lets her know about it.

She's a handful... she's into everything but she is very, very sweet.

Her name is Vixen... stay tuned.

 

 

Love's Inverse Proportions

I'm finally writing about this.

See the full gallery on Posterous

The love of my life died very suddenly on September 18th. I still move back and forth between guilt and sadness. To paraphrase my vet, Reese *should* be home with me now and *should* have gone home that night like the people at the emergency vet said. However, Reese presented with asthma symptoms but took turns no one expected - what happened was very, very rare.

When she had her the first seizure (the first "neurological event") Dr. Dunagan said most animals are treated and go home either not to have other seizures again or not for some time. It was almost unheard of for her to have another immediately after  - particularly a grand mal seizure. Again, after the second seizure, she should have been treated and sent home (not immediately... but after a little time).... for her to arrest (her heart to stop) almost never happens.

Intellectually I understand I can't control anything neurological. I understand it wasn't my fault this happened - and I can see the sequence of events... Had I not taken her to the vet, she would have died at home and I would forever blame myself for not taking her in. I still don't understand why I didn't get to say goodbye.

But I do understand several things...

I understand she loved me completely. I understand I valued every day with her. I remember mornings on the couch together - meditating and drinking coffee (she would head-butt my coffee cup and cuddle under the blanket) and thinking to myself, "these are the days I'll cherish when she's gone." I understand she taught me how to love unconditionally. She taught me about loving what is. She taught me about caring completely and totally for something and putting myself second.

I always expect the big things in my life to mean so much. New Years and birthdays should be spectacular, but rarely meet those expectations. But she was so little and brought so much. Her love and what she brought to my life is inversely proportional to her size.

Oooooooklahoma!

I'm visiting my parents for a few days in Oklahoma. A lot of people have said I am "going home" yet I grew up in Kansas and now live in Maryland so home is really a relative term.

I've noticed something this trip I have never really seen as sharply before - culture is all about food. Much of the culture we grow up in has so much to do with food. The first evening Mom made quiche and an apple thing for dessert. I was so excited. The fact that she's an amazing cook aside, just her cooking again took me back.

The following day I had white bread and crunchy Cheetos - treasures from my childhood. As we were driving back from dinner last night I announced I didn't want to go home until I had eaten at Sonic. The chili cheese dog and cherry limeade has magical properties - especially considering cherry flavoring gives me a headache... Except in this form. :)

Suffice it to say I've eaten my way through the trip.

That's More Like It

Just an update... the half hour run went well. Things felt so good, I lost track of time and went over for the turnaround.

Yes... there was a little pain (1-2), but it came and went with my stride and didn't increase. I'm icing now and will see how things feel later tonight and tomorrow.

It was a good run. I'm so glad I went - so glad I threw myself out the door.

The only way out is through...

Who Took My Motivation?

It's 11:37 am on Saturday. So far I've managed to do a lot of things - a number of things - and none of them include running.

I had to bail on a 45 (or was it 40) minute run on Tuesday because I was in pain. A week ago I was in enough pain that I noted it and should have iced... but was scrambling around trying to get ready for Wicked and just didn't have time. I rode Sunday and felt good, but was sore. I'm glad I stopped running Tuesday, but it was one of those deals where I kept asking myself "am I in pain? how bad does it hurt? is that a 2? No. That's definitely a 3... Is it a 4 now? Because if it's a 4, I know I need to stop... "

At 16 minutes I should have stopped as I really do think I was at a solid 4... but no. I kept going. I tried to work out my foot fall. I tried to smooth out the transition. Working on proprioceptive cues... pull the treadmill back, pull back, pull back... that worked for a while then I'd lose focus. At 30 min in I hit a hill and had to walk up because of the pain - yet again at a solid 4. When I started running again there was no going back, I walked home. When I left the message for Coach Steve I know I sounded pretty defeated and that's how I felt.

It's no wonder I'm procrastinating getting out the door. If I look at the times I've been heading out, they've all been relatively late. Yesterday I had men's pro beach volleyball going in the background and the part that caught my attention was talking about the guy who messed up his ankle, was perfectly healed, yet mentally he was still *thinking* like he was injured.

Amen, brother.

I'm losing track... The original injury was in... '07? '08? I nursed it along for a couple of years then finally started trying to solve the problem. It's hard to get out of the "I'm injured" mentality. Yet the thing I find even more challenging is moving forward - uninjured - and feeling pain. How is this possible? Isn't pain supposed to tell you when to stop? Isn't ignoring pain what got me into this mess in the first place?

The solution - just for today - is to throw myself out the door for a half hour run. Just a half hour... and see how that goes. I'll ice and do some core, stretch and rehydrate. I've got a great night with friends planned and I just need to get to the other side - for today.

Ten Percent at a Time

I'm running again. I've been running for a couple of weeks now  and it's awesome. I started at 20 some minutes and have been increasing 10% a week. Ten percent is not a lot. Think about it - I started at 20 minutes... the next week I ran... 22.

One might think I'm frustrated as I inch along yet I'm not. I'm so happy to be running again I can't even see straight. Twenty minutes felt like an hour the first time I did the time. I hit a mile and thought "Dear lord, how did I do another 25.2 of these?" But every time I head back out the door, the time passes more quickly. I notice myself wanting to choose different routes, just like I did when I was running more frequently and longer distances.

My stride feels easy these days. Fluid. I am in pain - but not too great. On the famous pain scale, I am typically between a 2-3. Today I hit a 4 and that is the highest I've been in a really long time. I've iced and I'll take some vitamin I and most likely be good to go in the morning.

So for now, I'm tickled pink to be inching along at ten percent at a time... 33 minutes today... 36 minutes later this week. I'll take it.

Two-Wheeled Update

With all of these posts about dating, one might think I've abandoned fitness altogether and that's not the case.

I did the Hercules C-130 Time Trial in Dover, Delaware and loved it. I will write up and incredibly late race report. I did enter and start the Stoopid 50... but was pulled at the first aid station: THANK YOU!!!

It's become clear to me my true love (as it relates to sports activities, mind you) is running. Nearly every time I'd find myself in the woods or on the road I would think "I wish I were running." When it came to becoming creative to get my workouts in I just didn't have the willingness. I was getting pretty badly beaten up on the mtb and I finally started not only skipping workouts altogether, but running in secret... When an adult woman is skulking off to run like sneaking smokes in High School, something is wrong.

While this is going to be a long road, I am so happy to be back on it. I've completed a single run - on the record - and it was fantastic. My willingness is back, I feel happy and I am very optimistic about the direction.

That's not to say I won't be on two wheels. I am going to be racing slicks through the rest of the summer; time trials and maybe a hill climb or two. But the focus is running and that's alright with me.

Stay tuned, folks!

Be Your Own Superhero

Sometimes you have to be your own hero. Because sometimes, the people you can't live without can live without you.

- Michael Jordan

A Change In Perspective

Absent. That's what I've been. Absent. And for good reason.

 

I've had a sinus infection that just won't let up. I was sick over Christmas... then I had a series of colds that just kept coming back like an annoying ex-girlfriend. Come to find out nothing in my sinus (the plural sense) is draining. I have never been one to be able to read a CT - but as soon as they put it up I could clearly see something was wrong.

 

I am on a the second round of antibiotics and steroids. And let me tell you... my body is not taking a liking to steroids. I am in no danger of doping - let me tell ya. I've had massive stomach issues, pain radiating up my abs, up my back, nausea. The area is warm and painful to the touch.

 

Is it helping? Well... I'm not in the excruciating pain I was in with the sinus issues. However I can still tell they aren't draining properly. I was so excited the day I left the ENT's office I threw caution to the wind and scheduled the follow up for 4 weeks instead of 3... then called last week and begged to move the appointment to the recommended 3 weeks.

 

This sure puts things in perspective though... I really don't care about my ankle right now. All I really want to do is get healthy. I want this issue to go away - well - I want it resolved.

 

And I guess that's some of what I am learning about these days - perspective. It takes me a little while, but if I am patient it comes. Sometimes I struggle, sometimes I fight - but if I am willing - I will always get perspective.

My Next Move

I came across this several weeks ago and it's still resonating with me. It's a keen reminder of my powerlessness. While I think, strategize, look at every angle and try to see every move and counter-move, in reality I grapple with the illusion of control.

 

The struggle continues until I surrender at last to the present moment - and only there do I find peace.

 

 

"Tripping Over Joy"

What is the difference
Between your Existence
And that of a Saint?

The Saint knows
That the spiritual path
Is a sublime chess game with God
And that the Beloved
Has just made such a Fantastic Move
That the Saint is now continually
Tripping over joy
And Bursting out in Laughter
And saying, "I Surrender!"

Whereas, my dear,
I am afraid you still think
You have a thousand serious moves.

-Hafiz-

Data Geek Meets Fitness Freak

No - that's an online dating headline. Trust me. It's what happens when what I do for a living creeps into my personal life. I probably should cross-post with my professional blog - but I won't. :)

In a recent post, I mentioned I was tracking my resting heart rate (RHR) in an effort to head off getting colds and whatnot. It worked! So far I have successfully thwarted two immune system invaders. I don't think people really believe me when I say I work in a petri dish. Given this little experiment started a month ago... maybe ya'll will give my words a little weight, eh?

A guy I work with said to me the other day, "I keep losing weight." I resisted the urge to launch into my "single data point is useless when there is no other context" diatribe. In addition to tracking weight, I started looking at body-part measurements and body fat percentage. I've lost a substantial amount of "weight" in the past - but there's a good chance it was muscle. There are times I've lost it fast and felt like crap too.

Using the livestrong.com site I really looked at what I was eating and never realized I wasn't getting enough fat. Adding a salad with balsamic and olive oil dressing, lunch incorporating avocado and adding seeds like pumpkin and sunflower have me in the 80-some-percent now. I was in the 20% range. I think this has had a great deal to do with why I was never able to successfully sustain a vegetarian diet. Please don't ask me why fat would make the difference - I have no earthly clue. The only thing I know is I made the switch about 3-4 weeks ago and I feel fantastic. I am closing out a really hard week and I feel awesome - on a vegetarian diet around 1,200 calories a day... and 6-hours of fitness a week.

Again, a lot has been changing as I've had to make a lot of notes, chart a lot of data, etc... I'm sleeping more. I am taking in lots of fluids. I eat very few processed foods. Those two assaults on the immune system had me taking massive doses of C, Zinc and Airborne.

I'm still doing a lot of tinkering. I just read about a Duke Study on Splenda. I have a big sweet tooth and use at least six packets a day during the week. I'm looking into substituting Agave Nectar as the trade for not only weight loss but better gut bacteria is important to me.

For the Devil's Advocates out there, yes, one can go too far. You can analyze and change and tinker only so much. And for what? I'm not a professional athlete. I'm able to laugh at myself (see videos in previous posts). But, the benefits I get from this - how I feel, how I look - it's all worth it. Every bit.

So True... So, So, So True...

We've Been Here Before

Classic line from Lord of the Rings - I believe it's in Return of the King. Frodo says that to Sam - they are lost on the way to Mordor. We've been here before. And so have I.

Yep - the ankle pain is back. I had a run two weeks ago or so that was off-the-charts-bad. I abandoned the run which I never do. When I realized I was shuffling and limping a voice inside my head said "Stop" and I did. For once I did. I hobbled back to the house and took care of my ankle. I have completed two runs since on treadmills that have been spectacularly unsuccessful. I start out the run in a wee bit of pain, it increases and I adapt my stride throughout the entire run so as to not cause myself pain. By the end I have tinkered enough so I am at least in a manageable amount of pain - no more than a 4 on a scale of 10.

Coach Allen has suggested an experiment: run on the same treadmill, same time, same everything today and see what happens. So, I am going to head out here in a bit to do just that. I haven't run since Tuesday so my ankle has had a long time to rest given it's a recovery week.

I've had some time to consider what's going on, and it seems the calf muscle that was the culprit oh so many months ago still isn't that strong. Calf raises are still challenging and that's a problem. I think my body needs time to build. I'm strong in a lot of ways - but I made adaptation an art form and I will land myself back on the bench if I don't take care of this muscle weakness issue. The thing I want to do least is strengthen one little strip of muscle that is so tiny and so weak that I can't bare my body weight. I think that's human nature. I want to strengthen what's already strong - work my quads, do curls, bring on the core work. Why do I want to walk directly into what's weakest? Tell me - how much fun is heading right toward what hurts? Not fun and no I don't want to walk full-on into this. But experience has shown me time and time again I can't go around this, under it or over it. I have to go through it. If I don't, it rears it's ugly little head, knocks me on my a$$ and takes my lunch money.

Having given the "pull yourself up my your bootstraps there champ!" speech, I'll also point out I managed to peel off the pounds I put on over the holidays. :) If you haven't found livestrong.com yet, check it out. The daily nutrition and weight tracking are fantastic. I still haven't figured out whether or not the "Gold" membership is really worth it, but for $45 a year, I think I can spring for it and see what happens...

Happy New Year!

Welcome 2011 - so long 2010!

Several years ago I heard you will spend the coming year doing whatever you did New Years Eve. I believe the context of the comment pertained to the stroke of midnight. I've spent several years trying to get the perfect moment planned - to no avail. I may have given in last year and this year I know there was absolutely no attempt at control or arrangement.

I spent yesterday with two of the greatest people in the world walking around DC. We saw the Normal Rockwell exhibit at the Portrait Gallery. We had an incredible lunch at
Rosa Mexicano (the best guac on the planet!) and walked if off on The Mall looking at the Capital Christmas Tree. I took a fair amount of ribbing given the children from the great state of Kansas bought their ornaments and shipped them to DC... They were metal versions of the state seal - WTF? We ducked into the Natural History museum and I got to see the Human Origins exhibit I've been wanting to see for months now. Way cool. The best part of the day (ok, maybe not the best, but a highlight): Red Velvet Cupcakery. Wow. They have Georgetown Cupcake beat hands down.

I got home & spent the rest of the evening with my kids (four legged kind). I watched some football and rented Eat, Pray, Love. I was overwhelmingly unimpressed. I loved the book even though I am not an Oprah Book Club kinda girl. I missed the stroke of midnight - I was watching the movie. Maybe that means I'll be spending the New Year in the moment - or watching a $hit load of movies. ;-)

I am also breaking tradition in another way... my mom made black-eyed peas every year on New Years day and swore by that whole good luck thing. I don't buy it - or at least it doesn't really seem to work. Oddly though, isn't it the mind that really has the power - so in reality that crap should.

I am starting off the year with goals (which I shall not make public). I might blog, but I don't feel the need to share every detail with anonymous eyeballs - even if it's only four of you. :)

And before I sign off to go clean the house (yes, oddly I do believe in cleaning the house on the New Year... out with the old, in with the New!) I will mention the commitment to training & racing for the coming year. When one makes a decision - it's just a decision. It then has to be followed by action. I started that action several months ago by starting to get back into shape. I'm continuing to do so. I'm even doing things I thought was reserved for "serious" athletes... tracking my resting heart rate. It's a rather rude awakening when I used to have a resting of 45 and I'm up to 60 - 70. Yeah, I'm still dealing with this cold/sinus infection... but really? I have a loooooooong way to go...

So let's get started. :)