Who Took My Motivation?

It's 11:37 am on Saturday. So far I've managed to do a lot of things - a number of things - and none of them include running.

I had to bail on a 45 (or was it 40) minute run on Tuesday because I was in pain. A week ago I was in enough pain that I noted it and should have iced... but was scrambling around trying to get ready for Wicked and just didn't have time. I rode Sunday and felt good, but was sore. I'm glad I stopped running Tuesday, but it was one of those deals where I kept asking myself "am I in pain? how bad does it hurt? is that a 2? No. That's definitely a 3... Is it a 4 now? Because if it's a 4, I know I need to stop... "

At 16 minutes I should have stopped as I really do think I was at a solid 4... but no. I kept going. I tried to work out my foot fall. I tried to smooth out the transition. Working on proprioceptive cues... pull the treadmill back, pull back, pull back... that worked for a while then I'd lose focus. At 30 min in I hit a hill and had to walk up because of the pain - yet again at a solid 4. When I started running again there was no going back, I walked home. When I left the message for Coach Steve I know I sounded pretty defeated and that's how I felt.

It's no wonder I'm procrastinating getting out the door. If I look at the times I've been heading out, they've all been relatively late. Yesterday I had men's pro beach volleyball going in the background and the part that caught my attention was talking about the guy who messed up his ankle, was perfectly healed, yet mentally he was still *thinking* like he was injured.

Amen, brother.

I'm losing track... The original injury was in... '07? '08? I nursed it along for a couple of years then finally started trying to solve the problem. It's hard to get out of the "I'm injured" mentality. Yet the thing I find even more challenging is moving forward - uninjured - and feeling pain. How is this possible? Isn't pain supposed to tell you when to stop? Isn't ignoring pain what got me into this mess in the first place?

The solution - just for today - is to throw myself out the door for a half hour run. Just a half hour... and see how that goes. I'll ice and do some core, stretch and rehydrate. I've got a great night with friends planned and I just need to get to the other side - for today.